A Defense

October 5, 2013

I found myself in court this last week defending the lie that I abuse my stepson. Per her client’s wishes, the opposing lawyer referenced one sentence out of context from a blog I wrote in June 2010. The line read, “…it (my pain) causes me to mistreat my family.”  Since I wasn’t able to elaborate or explain myself on the stand, I’m eager to do so here.

I feel so blessed and loved by the legions of friends that I have. I don’t think I’m disillusioned when I say that I know there are countless good people standing behind me and praying for me.  I’ve never had an enemy in my life before this person who forced my husband and I into court.

Since I know now that, unfortunately, not everyone who reads this has an empathetic or well-meaning heart, this is an open letter to the one person in this world that wants to destroy me - a small, shallow, angry woman - and any future legal counsel she may retain.

Before making yourself look foolish in front of a sitting judge, read any entry in its entirety. Then perhaps your conscience won’t allow you to pull one sentence out and actually try to use it against me.

Before I reveal the context of that one line, let me ask this: When you have, say, a migraine, or a cold, or the flu, or a broken femur bone, have you ever snapped at someone you love? Are you able to put your family first and dote on them when you are suffering? Most likely not. So it’s not unreasonable that I’ve grappled with this particular issue in the past. Speaking of the past, let’s travel back more than 3 years to my fateful sentence:

June 16, 2010

I have given up trying. I know that relief is in sight so I don’t feel like I have to try anymore. The symptoms have been so bad lately that all I want to do is sit still. My sister-in-law told me that it's okay. She reminded me that I've worked so hard at living when things were challenging. It's okay to stop trying so hard. However, since it’s worse than ever, I feel more selfish than ever. The pain and fatigue cause me to mistreat my family.

I depend on two people the most – my sweet husband and stepson. Unfortunately, when they have needs, I don’t have anything left to give them. It’s hard for me to have sympathy for anyone else. It’s not fair. But I promise I’ll make up for it.

Let me go ahead and clarify what I meant by “mistreat(ing) my family”: It meant that I felt selfish and wasn’t able to treat John, Vann, and Reagan like the precious treasures they are.  I have never hit a human being out of anger in my entire life.

Thankfully, the judge made the right decision. All accusations were dismissed.  There is no question that no child is in danger in this household.  It is abhorrent and absurd that it ever even had to be asked.

So there you have it. I see this very clearly as a below the belt, tasteless attempt to destroy me. It was also moronic. Which is why it didn’t work.  When the context is revealed, it’s clear that it is you, not me, who is the monster.

Status Update

No one will ever accuse me of not trying.

Even when I'm in immense pain.
Even when my body feels like it's made of lead.
Even when I'm the most tired I could ever be.
Even when I fall and it takes me 15 minutes to get up.
Even when it takes me 5, 6, 7, 10+ tries to just pull my pants on.
Even when my body shakes uncontrollably trying to do a simple task.

I just repeat my mantra, "Stop being so damn handicapped."

But that doesn't mean I can't complain sometimes and just get mad.
That time is now. So there. It sucks. But I'll go on trying - watch.  Deep breath and a smile.

FAIL!!

February 27, 2013

Sunday night my charger blew so I was forced to be up on my walker. That was a blessing in disguise! Day one – so much pain, I was just plain mean and rude. Lying down brought no relief. Day two – Significantly less pain but it still hurts. Day three – Still hurts but I’m less cross.

“That scooter is not your friend,” My physical therapist and Pilates/Yoga instructor friend tell me. It’s so true. The only way to get over this hump and be less handicapped is to just get up and press through the pain. It’s hard and it sucks but I have no choice. Weekly exercises are great but they won’t suddenly make me walk again. That must be forced and the time is now. I’ve been primarily on my scooter for a year and a half now and my body is so weak. If I keep sitting much longer, I may never recover.

I’m walking around! My circulation is increasing and my muscles are growing. The pain is temporary. The increased circulation will also decrease inflammation! Did you know that? Neurologists obviously don’t. Google does. Inflammation is an enemy to so many discomforts and illnesses. It exacerbates MS symptoms and increases pain.

Three biggies in our diet that cause inflammation are gluten, dairy, and sugar. (Corn and soy contribute as well.)

Story #1 – A neurologist I used to see at St. Thomas warned me that inflammation will affect my ability to walk. He wanted me to take steroids monthly to reduce inflammation. Never once did he mention dietary changes and CIRCULATION as being helpful. Fail.

Story #2 – I saw a new neurologist last week. I was hoping a fresh opinion might jolt my hopes. That didn’t happen. When he saw my very purple feet (poor circulation), he said, “Wow, your feet are so purple.” This comment was not followed by “Are you standing/moving at all?” Common sense would urge a patient to increase CIRCULATION! Instead, he talked about how I was a potential “candidate” for some drugs. Fail.

My list of stories does not end there. I’ll just skip to the conclusion… HEY NEUROLOGISTS! You. Have. Failed. Me.

If an ordinary person can learn that circulation reduces inflammation, why don’t they teach that in medical school? Why don’t they teach nutrition in medical school?

Thanks to the internet, we can learn these things on our own and take our health into our own hands.

I will no longer sit in a doctor’s office full of chotchkes from pharmaceutical companies – calendars, posters, pens, coffee mugs, etc. How insulting!! No wonder medications cost so much. They have to make that extra profit to manufacture mini hand-held fans with a drug name on it. Just wait until the government takes over healthcare. These enraging situations won’t get any better. Mark my words.

For Baclofen Users...

Obvious Disclaimer: I am not a doctor and I understand medication may affect others differently. This is just my experience, a little internet research, and my personal opinion.

A couple of years ago, my neurologist at the time prescribed Baclofen. He prescribed two 10 mg pills four times daily. Woah – 80 mg daily! I never once followed those instructions. I did take 2 per night to start. It was so refreshing to wake up looser, no muscle spasms, and no leg tremors. That part was fantastic.

The part that wasn’t so fantastic was that I was a zombie! I could have slept most of the day. So I went down to 1 per night. Still… a zombie. So I cut the pills in half and took 5 mg per night for a while. Eventually, I wanted to stop taking it altogether and the short but horrendous withdrawal ride began.

If you are wanting to stop taking it, Google the symptoms and make sure you ask a doctor about it. I didn’t do that. After a seriously insane and uncomfortable week, I finally looked it up and read these withdrawal symptoms (among others): Withdrawal symptoms may include auditory hallucinations, visual hallucinations, tactile hallucinations, delusions, confusion, agitation, delirium, disorientation, fluctuation of consciousness, insomnia, dizziness, nausea, feeling faint, inattention, memory impairments, perceptual disturbances, pruritus/itching, anxiety, depersonalization, hypertonia, hyperthermia, formal thought disorder, psychosis, mania, mood disturbances, restlessness, and behavioral disturbances, tachycardia, seizures, tremors, autonomic dysfunction, hyperpyrexia, extreme muscle rigidity resembling neuroleptic malignant syndrome and rebound spasticity.

Eventually, the ride ended and I was off. Now that I’m free, I’m able to take one every 7-14 days. I can now experience the relief the medicine brings but I’m not locked in a prison knowing the crazy train ride I have to take to get off.

So my experience and opinion tells me this:  I think that the medicine must build up in the body. It can cause debilitating sleepiness. But when taken responsibly, I do so enjoy waking up relaxed. It’s a wonderful feeling. But those good mornings just can’t come daily. I’ll enjoy 2-3 per month instead. Be careful, my friends, and do your research.

Still hope, Still faith

The delay of a fresh blog is not due to discouraging progression this time. Pure procrastination. That’s it.

I was ready to order myself a Craftsmatic bed and call it a day. I had given up. There was not much fight left in me. I couldn’t imagine going somewhere on my own. I wasn’t strong enough. The procedure I had on my mouth did its job. I felt an initial boost of energy once my mouth healed. People could see a huge difference just by speaking to me.  That energy got me moving again. I’m working with my physical therapist, a Pilates instructor friend, walking at the pool and I’m walking on my walker more. It’s not easy; I hate it, but know it’s vital. The more I sit in my dumb scooter, the more my body withers.

Since the mouth surgery, I’m no longer nauseous with a headache every evening. I’m fatigued but it’s not nearly what it once was. Victory.

Slow progress but there is a glimmer of hope. I’m still not out and about too much but at least it’s not out of the question.

The first video (pre-surgery) shows the severity of my hand tremors. Those tremors have not changed. The second video (post-surgery) shows me walking up the stairs on a good day. (The face slam at the end is a joke so please don’t report domestic abuse.) The stairs are still so hard. Maybe it takes a long time for muscle to repair and grow? I’m not sure. I have faith that if I keep getting up them, I’ll get better and better at it. I admit, however, I hitch a piggyback ride every other night.

The purpose of these videos is to show anyone reading this the level of disability I’m challenged with. Maybe someone reading this is in the same boat – or an even better place – and I can encourage you. Life is not over. We truly have nothing to complain about.

I’ve said it before on this blog and will say it again… My faith has been deeply strengthened by the challenge I deal with. For that I’m grateful. If this shows even one person out there that I believe God is truly good and makes all things work together for good for those who love Him (Romans 8:28), then it has been worth the fight. And I will continue to fight and let His glory shine through me however possible.

Thank you and goodbye, please.

Surgery was done August 28. My body is very busy with that area healing the incision and, more deeply, healing the initial cavitation. I do expect to feel better and better as the weeks go on. I am, however, extremely weak. Trying to move an atrophied muscle is hard work! I’ve got a mountain before me. There my Goliath stands. At times I’m motivated and inspired, other times I’m discouraged and afraid.

I was watching home movies with my son and I noticed a profound difference in me 5-6 years ago. My challenges had not progressed to a fearful point yet. I could still walk with a cane and my hands didn’t shake. I wasn’t as sick and I could see such a difference in myself! I was happier. Since my challenges have become more severe, fear and worry have moved into my heart. That comes from the dark side of this fallen world and is not the truth.  I think dealing with that dread is yet another facet of coping with my challenge and honing my character. It is a huge challenge, indeed! Carrying that gunk within me affects how I treat those I love and that makes me sad. I’m not proud of that.

I’m facing that first step towards healing. I need to rid my heart of fear and worry. I am in God’s hands. That’s the only way to get through that first step. There is no other way that a human can thrive. I believe that strength has to come solely from trust in God.

This includes making peace with the journey thus far. By that, I mean looking at my challenge and accepting where I’m at. I’m listing the blessings of my condition and ignoring the curses:

·         I was able to go on disability when I got pregnant and have been home with my son since day one. I may not be able to do all the active things I’d like with him but I’m with him. That is a priceless gift and I’m so thankful.

·         My struggles have deepened my faith in Jesus Christ. I have grown so much spiritually. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says that Paul asked to be healed and God said, “’My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” That’s easier said than done but I’m closer to that than I was 5-6 years ago.

·         Finally, since they've had to deal with me all their lives, I hope I have given my kids the gift of confident independence and empathy.

I’m so thankful for those things. I certainly don’t live gratefully 100% of the time but, at the end of the day, I know that I’m thankful and I’m done. Now it’s time to move on and get better.

The fire is in my FACE!!! (We hope.)

I have been completely uninspired to write a blog. Honestly, I had nothing positive to report. Several weeks ago, after a few big falls, I parked my walker and have been in my scooter full time. Whenever I had a chance, I laid down. I had no motivation and zero energy. The shakiness in my hands was noticeable and beginning to affect my ability to drink, eat, brush my teeth, etc. I’m currently typing with two fingers.  The list of “Things I Used To Be Able To Do” was growing. Call it self-pity but I truly felt that anyone else in my condition would be bed-ridden and that’s what I wanted to be.

Then came hope.

My husband put it best on Facebook:

Something viral has been suspected for some time now. Or maybe even layers of viruses. As you know, viruses can lay dormant, hide, and even cloak themselves to appear to be something they are not. Clever and sneaky little bastards.

Dawn had 4 wisdom teeth pulled about a year prior to her first MS symptoms. We'd just never connected those two dots. On her docs recommendation, we had a CT scan of her jaw area done. Today we sat with a biological dentist to read and interpret the scans. We were HOPING to find some pockets of nastiness in the areas were her teeth used to be. BINGO. Two big areas on her lower jaw. She will have those areas cleaned out and filled thru surgery. Her immune system has been locked-on and battling those two hidden areas 24/7 for the last 15-plus years. That battle has tied-up and drained the resources of her already-taxed immune system, thus, not allowing it to focus on much of anything else. With those areas dealt with, her strength should return. And her body should start healing itself. It won't be an over-night thing,  but it is FANTASTIC news. And my goodness... she deserves some good news.


Someone in my position that has barked up a lot of trees only to be disappointed may be more cautious. I guess I’m not very cautious because I’ve got my hopes up big time. The surgery is slated for August 28 and that can’t come soon enough. We will, of course, document the process as always. Wouldn’t that just be grand?

HAPPY NATIONAL MS DAY TO ME!

I’m celebrating National MS Day by finally updating my blog. What are we supposed to do on this National Day? Eat cake? Perhaps they could commemorate the day by making some sense of this stinkin’ condition. Here is my personal opinion:  (I’m not formally researched or medically educated but I’ve lived with it for 14 years so I get to spout off.)

I think Multiple Sclerosis is a symptom, not a disease in and of itself. It comes on because of different factors and many causes are to blame. In my case, it’s viruses, bacteria, and layers of toxins.  My theory makes sense – they can’t figure out exactly what causes it (since it’s different for all of us) and they can’t (or won’t) fix it.

Therefore, if I’m going to get better, I need to make progress in cleaning up the internal, microscopic culprits. I’ve tried so many things but haven’t made a huge dent. It’s a tricky process.

I longed to be one of the successful ones. I wanted to join the guy who cured his MS by eating 10+ servings of vegetables per day. (I’ve been doing that for a long time now.) I wanted to stand alongside the guy from The Beautiful Truth (documentary) who cured his cancer by juicing (been doing that for 4 and a half years.) That worked for them and I know it works for many others. In fact, in almost all conditions, I truly believe we’d be better off with a clean diet, loaded with veggies and superfoods, and taking as few pharmaceuticals as possible – preferably none, realistically, maybe a small amount. I believe prayer, my extreme diet, moving, and determination have kept me from being bedridden. I’m still dressing myself and driving. The way I live my life has kept me going. I’m 100% sure of that.

So what’s the next step? I’m looking into Low Dose Naltrexone (LDN). I’ve read some success stories and it’s worth a try. I’ll report on the results. In the meantime, I have no choice but to continue to focus on nutrition and movement. But more than anything else, I will focus on prayer and gratitude no matter what my circumstances. As I told a friend today, healing awaits but in the meantime, there is good life to be lived.

I Will Kick Ass and I Will Be Grateful

 

Mega high doses (50 grams each) of Vitamin C IVs done 2x/week for 8 weeks showed a little improvement. It was enough to get me sitting up straighter and out the door a little more. That means a great deal.

I am working hard at getting stronger; something that wasn’t possible last December. It’s not easy and certainly not fun but it’s necessary to keep me from being bedridden. My diet is 99% FLAWLESS and CLEAN. If you don’t live with me, you have no idea the healthy goodness that goes in me. And I’m not talking about just making sure I eat 5 servings of vegetables per day. I’m talking extreme superfoods, green smoothies, fresh vegetable juice, and double doses of spirulina. The monotony has been accepted and I’m proud of the deep pigments, protein, and good fat that flow through my body. This has been the norm for me for almost 2 years.

So that’s the status update. I don’t know what’s next for me. I continue to struggle with hope but I know how to pray. I know God doesn’t choose the weak ones to struggle. Therefore, I’m honored to be disabled. This earthly struggle is here for a reason and I accept that. I may not be doing super human-selfless, world-changing things in my life yet but I’ll continue smiling while I sit in my beat up ghetto scooter (it’s getting old and cracked so I’ve stickered it up.) And let the message be heard loud and clear – I will praise Him in this storm.

I used to be envious of some people with MS that I’d meet whose symptoms were invisible. Those who have MS but can still walk and hold jobs. Why was I chosen to have a more progressive, curious form?  Then I met Sherrie at a conference. MS has put her in a reclining wheelchair. She can’t move her head or even her lips to speak. Why was I chosen to still function and not her? I won’t understand with my earthly brain but I am GRATEFUL.  It’s the same lesson I try to teach my kids. The starving children in another part of the world are JUST like them. There is no understandable reason why that kid was born into poverty and hunger and my kids were born into comfort.  So for that, be GRATEFUL.

For all things, be GRATEFUL. I am so thankful for the love and comfort that surrounds me. I am thankful for hope. I’m thankful for good days and being able to move around as much as I can.  So whether I get up and do karate or I stay sitting in the ghetto-scooter, I will kick ass and I will be grateful.

No Thank you, Dr. Ordinary. I bid you Good Day.

Each day is a conscious battle. I refuse to accept what my conventional neurologist BLINDLY tells me. “You are progressing and will continue to progress. But, here – try this $30,000/year medication that will wreak havoc on your healthy tissues and your liver and just see if maybe that will work a little… but probably not.” So I have stopped seeing him. There were several key elements missing from this relationship – care, understanding, and a desire to see me get well.

"More important than learning what kind of disease the patient has is finding out what kind of patient has the disease." - Dr.William Osler, called the Founding Father of Modern Medicine. Oh how we went astray.

Insurance and Medicare pay for treatment not talk. The average time with the doctor at a typical visit is 6 minutes. Talking with the patient is key to the healing process. For example, a doctor talking with a diabetes patient about their lifestyle is virtually not reimbursed by the insurance company. However, when that same patient’s kidneys fail for lack of guidance, dialysis is consequently fully reimbursed. (note: Information taken from the documentary, The New Medicine) Does this make sense? Of course not. And the list of conflicts within the current system is endless.

So John and I chose to remove ourselves from that model.
I am now being treated by a doctor who left conventional medicine and the insurance prison and now works in a lovely office on a cash-only basis. He now has time to spend with each patient, doesn’t have to watch the clock and run on to the next patient, and he can act like the investigator that I need. What’s CAUSING the progression? Once we know, we won’t be taking blind steps towards toxic medicines that most likely won’t even help me. Finally, and most importantly for me, he took the time at the end of our visit to hold my hands and pray. Because without God’s healing power, all of our efforts are futile.

So we started with a run of blood tests that proved there is a virus (or viruses) in my body. They can hide in the DNA of any of my 100 trillion cells. My CD57 (Google that one if you are suffering or curious) was 45. That number should be around 200. That means my T-cells are low and it’s a good indicator that Lyme disease is present. My C4A test level was over 4000 and should be less than 650. Another indicator of Lyme, viruses present, and a severely weakened immune system.

One thing I know for sure (proven by an MRI done in October 2010): The MS has not been active or progressed for over 6 years now. So why did I take such a serious nosedive starting in 2008?

Another truth: The stem cell treatments I did last year were like rebuilding a house that was still on fire. They did have one gigantic benefit, however. They started me on this current path. I wouldn’t know what I know now. I wouldn’t have realized that help was available – it just wasn’t at my current doctor's office.

In January, I will begin an aggressive 4-weeks of IV vitamin C. I continue to do glutathione shots daily and vitamin B-12 shots 3x/week. That’s where we stand with treatment. That is specific treatment that makes sense.

I’m not dismissing all of Western medicine. SO many benefits are had each day in the hands of our doctors. Thank you for operating and saving lives, for putting us back together when we crash and break, and for countless other reasons. However, in my case, you didn’t do your jobs! Your answers to my troubles are pathetic. Now I’m forced to go out on my own. We’re spending our own money and taking my care into our own hands. The alternative was to just lie down and not get back up.

If you are reading my blog and you or a loved one are suffering from MS, Lyme disease, Parkinsons, etc., I urge you to also take matters into your own hands and take charge of your health. Don’t accept pathetic care that sucks you of hope. If you are a friend or stranger reading out of interest, thank you for your time and please continue to pray that I improve.

I urge everyone to educate yourselves starting with the documentary called The Beautiful Truth. Here is a link to the trailer and a link to watch it in its entirety online. There are countless others that will inform you of the power of superfoods, plant-based healing power, and the power of the mind in healing the body. I’ll put a list of them below. As always, email me. I love talking about it.

"Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food." - Hippocrates (Again, where did we go astray?)


The Beautiful Truth tailer: http://youtu.be/5ZmV8b1wr10

The Beautiful Truth documentary: http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/beautiful-truth/


Other important and enlightening documentaries:

The New Medicine
Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead
Food Matters
The Gerson Miracle

IT IS REAL.

More on my current health journey at a later date. Something much more important is pouring out of me right now…


John and I were discussing this morning that we need to know opposites in order to truly understand. For instance, if we didn’t know soft, we wouldn’t understand hard. If we didn’t know wet we wouldn’t understand dry.

If we don’t know suffering and hardships, we won’t know pure joy and love. If we don’t know evil, we can’t fully understand good. Truth, joy, peace, love, kindness, patience, faithfulness, goodness, and self-control can’t be manufactured. They are gained by trials on this imperfect earth. They are gifts from our Heavenly Father and small tastes of what awaits those who love Him back. We have to choose to love Him and what a reward awaits us.

If you don’t believe it, what if you’re wrong? Do you want to base your soul’s eternity on your limited human opinion?

God is a lovesick father who is longing for all of His children to recognize Him and what He did for us. He let His only son, Jesus Christ be tortured and conquer death for each and every one of us. Now we live with this sin but we know the truth – that Jesus drank our entire cup for us. He removed that sin as far as the east is from the west. “It is finished” were Jesus’ last words.

“I see my earthly afflictions as opportunities to show my faithfulness.” – Joni Eareckson Tada (She’s a quadriplegic for 40+ years who paints with her mouth. She is in daily excrutiating pain. Oh, and she’s also fought breast cancer.)

“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love Him.” I Corinthians 2:9

I have many friends who don’t believe. If I tried to talk with them, it wouldn’t be received well and friendships would be lost. So I will write it here for all to see on their own. And I will live my life to show the good news of Jesus Christ. And I will pray that everyone I can reach will choose the glorious ending God has in store for us.

Still not convinced? Read these two books: (They’re quick and fascinating reads.)

Heaven Is For Real by Todd Burpo – The story of a 4-year-old boy who visited Heaven during a serious surgery and gave his parents proof over the next year.

23 Minutes In Hell by Bill Wiese – The story of a man who experienced hell then Jesus saved him and pled with him to share it with others because he doesn’t want any of His children to end up there.

And I don’t want anyone I know to end up there. IT IS REAL. Honestly, what do you have to lose to be open to the idea? Love God. Love people. How can you argue with that? Is there a better way to live? Thoughts, challenges, etc. are welcome. Bring it on. This is my way to share it. I have to. It makes me so sad to think of people missing out on this incredible truth. NOTHING. ELSE. MATTERS.

Reality and the Adjustment of Expectations

Still no word yet on whether the 28 days of brutal IV antibiotics killed the pneumonia bacteria in my blood (waiting on results) but I’m no better off than before I started them. I needed to try so I'm glad I did it but, once again, no results. I’m currently doing chelation to rid my body of heavy metals, B-12 shots for energy, and waiting to get my hands on a compound called glutathione that gave me 2 good days – the best days I had had in months. Long story but trying to get it for the best price from a pharmacy in Houston.


So where do I go from here? Adjust my expectations finally and accept reality. I’m no longer trying to get off my walker and scooter dependence. I am now merely trying to keep dressing myself, driving a car, and feeding my family. I know that two things make me feel better: glutathione and walking in the water. So I’ll focus on those two things and rely on my sweet Jesus to keep me going. We put so much hope in medical treatments and doctors and whatever else we can find. But my new mantra is this: Jesus is my hope.

At the end of my day, my hero comes home to me. I have a remarkable husband. I have a family. I have warmth and clean, organic food, water and shelter. Honestly, we don’t need more than that. I’m currently reading a book, The Hole In Our Gospel by Richard Stearns, World Vision president. In it, he carefully describes the state of poverty in this world and makes a plea for all of us to do our part. That includes me. Not sure how I can be of the best use – I don’t see any missions trips in my future, but I’ll find my opportunity somewhere. While we are on this earth, it’s not about us. It’s about helping others.

In the meantime, I’ll miss some of the party. I may not be the best hostess or neighbor but I’m figuring out what really matters. Maybe if I hadn’t been blessed with this disease, I never would have.

Drop In The Bucket

Two weeks into this brutal antibiotic protocol and my attitude is struggling. I’m so tired of feeling sick. The antibiotics make me nauseous and severely decrease my appetite. It’s a challenge every day to try and force down 1200—1500 calories which, on my fragile frame, is not enough. I have to keep reminding myself that my condition has not worsened; I am suffering from the side effects of this medicine. Once I’m done, hopefully, the medicine will have done its job and I will bounce back.


Until that time, I am homebound. I infuse 3 antibiotics through my pic line in the morning, one in the afternoon, and 2 at night. The side effects have made me so weak, I can hardly pick up my child from school or get out of the house at all. When I do, it’s not comfortable.

Once these are done, I’ll start chelation to remove the heavy metals and will start hyperbaric oxygen treatments 4x/week.

With all the horrors happening in the world right now in Japan, Libya, the Ivory Coast, and elsewhere, who am I to complain? We all know very well, however, that our problems are all relative. We still experience pain and challenges but of course there is always someone worse off than we are. All I’m advocating is that when we remember this and when we remember that there are children who are hungry, sick, and abused, may our complaints be gentler. And regardless of my attitude or my “suffering”, I still praise this awesome God for I know that all things work together for good for those who love Him. And we will share in Christ’s glory one day but right now, we must also share in his suffering. It is but a drop in the bucket.

New Doctor New Treatment New Hope

MS symptoms are caused by lesions on the brain and spinal column. As of the MRI I had done in September, I have no active lesions and no new ones. Based on that information, one would deduce that my MS is not worsening. However, since late 2008, my symptoms have progressed severely. Why? WHY?!?

There is a virus or bacteria in my system somewhere that is causing me to become weaker and weaker. There is no doubt that I do have MS but something is making my symptoms worsen. I finally found a doctor who is willing to investigate. We did a blood test and a heavy metal test and the results are in.

My heavy metals aren’t off the charts but they are present at levels they shouldn’t be. I start chelation within the next week.


Even more telling is the result of the blood test. They found an active bacteria, IgA C. pneumonia, in my spinal fluid. That means it’s hanging around my brain. Anytime any bacteria is present in the body, the immune system will try to fight it. My wimpy immune system had enough trouble to deal with before this unwelcome intruder set up camp. It could explain the crippling fatigue.

God has opened another door for me. We are treating the bacteria with powerful IV antibiotics starting this week. Once that is done, I will take a compound called glutathione then I get a Meyer’s cocktail of vitamins for dessert. Throughout it all, I’m doing Hyperbaric Oxygen treatments 4 times a week for 10 weeks. This will stimulate healthy stem cell growth and assist in detoxification.


I am counting on this treatment to get me back up and running. If I could get to exercising again, I know I will improve. I know I will improve when my body is cleaner. I’ll keep everyone posted as this new journey progresses.

Don't worry, I got this one. (-God)

Don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today. – Matthew 6:34


The bolts of your gates will be iron and bronze, and your strength will equal your days. – Deutoronomy 33:25


I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. – Phillipians 4:13
Based on scripture, and taken from Elizabeth George’s book, Loving God With All Your Mind, :

• Nothing will ever happen to you that God doesn’t already know about.

• Nothing will ever happen to you that is a mistake.

• Nothing will ever happen that you cannot handle with God’s power and grace.

• Nothing will ever happen to you that will not eventually be used by God for some good purpose in your life.

• Nothing will ever happen to you without God’s presence.

My trips to Tijuana were not wasted. Your donations and prayers were not in vain. There are a lot of good things that came from that experience. Most notably, my nerve pain and numbness went away for 3 solid months. They have come back a little but it’s nothing like it was. There’s a positive.

I met a woman who is changing my life through nutrition. There’s a positive.

I was pushed down another path which is still a mystery but gives me some hope. The doctors believe that there is something else causing my mobility issues. Blood tests are required which are being done. That’s a positive.

That said, I feel like I need to explain to everyone that I’ve ordered the wheelchair and I can’t get around too well on my own anymore. My mobility has officially stopped improving and I am getting worse again.

As I wrote above, there is still much peace to be had through God’s presence and His purpose behind all things. I have to trust Him. I have to be patient and I just have to be thankful no matter what. I am not a refugee. I am not hungry. I have clean water. I am surrounded my love and comfort. I have an amazing man who loves me to pieces. I get to help two beautiful boys grow into awesome people. I am so truly blessed. And I know there are positives that come from my illness and I will hold on to those and be proud.

What's Up With Dawn?

I haven’t known exactly how to explain my current condition. Honestly, I still don’t. It’s hard to face some realities. I wanted so badly to prove the naysayers wrong. I wanted so badly to meet the expectations of well wishers. I wanted so badly to be the success story. So many people have prayed fervently for me. (Hundreds? Thousands?) I wanted to see the answer. But God chooses how and when. It’s not up to me to declare the end result. And I’m not mad at Him. My faith is stronger than ever.


I’m not exactly a success story but I won’t accept anything close to a failure either. Let’s start with the tremendous positives that came out of my two stem cell treatments: I no longer have nerve pain! If you have never experienced it, it’s terribly hard to explain and consider yourself very lucky. Imagine wearing super tight pantyhose filled with sharp gravel. I am also experiencing significantly less numbness in my legs. Those are two valuable victories.

But the focus is so heavy on my mobility. That is the measure of how well I’m doing. That’s what people see. Sadly, my mobility has not improved. In fact, it’s becoming more of a challenge to simply move around. I continue to work at it but I am not getting any stronger and that’s discouraging.

Discouraging is such an awful word though. I wish I wouldn’t use it. The truth is that it is relieving to accept my limitations. It’s a relief to accept that a big change may not come quickly for me. So I’ve had to put this “disease” into perspective and rethink my journey. Thanks to my nutritionist and my wonderful primary care doctor, I’m working on getting the virus (because that’s what they believe) out of my system and hopefully be able to function better.

In the meantime, you may see me in a wheelchair. But don’t look sadly upon me and say, “Oh no, it didn’t work!” Just say, “Nice try! Keep at it!” Or just smile big and open the door for me.

This is all I have to say today.

2 Corinthians 12:8-10 (New Living Translation)

8 Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. 9 Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 10 That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I am so focused on my physical walk that I may be ignoring my spiritual walk. I have my own plans for when I get well but maybe God has something else in mind.

I will continue to work. I will continue to try and be strong but I need to find peace with where I am and what I have.

I'll be honest: I'm not doing as well as I did after the first treatment. I'm so consumed with how much everyone wants to see me get well and how much I want to prove those un-believing doctors wrong. That doesn't need to occupy my thoughts right now. I'm just going to do my  best to keep up with my therapy and maybe I'll get stronger or maybe I'll just stay the same. But I trust God is fully aware of my situation and has it under control. That is the only way I'll feel any peace right now.

Psalm 37
7 Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act.

My Solution

When I saw my neurologist a couple weeks ago and told him I was going back to Tijuana for a booster treatment, he asked me, “how many times will you go back?” When will I give up on this treatment? At the time, I didn’t know how to answer.


I’m sitting in the clinic now and it has finally clicked. I know how to answer now. I don’t give up on this treatment. This is the one that works. I have not seen improvement from any other medications thus far. My first stem cell treatment was the first time I have actually gotten better. I expect that I will improve even more after this round.

I spoke with one of the doctors in the clinic this morning and asked if there was a limit on booster treatments one should do. He said he had seen improvement in patients who do a booster treatment every 6 months for 5 years. There is no limit. I would even continue to improve if I did this protocol once per year.

Some naysayers say this treatment is like “pissing” in the ocean. But if you piss in it enough, the ocean will eventually turn yellow.

My neurologist and his partner have stated that it is highly possible that they could do this treatment in the states and that it would only cost $2000. (Versus the $30K charged by the brokers for this treatment in Mexico.) But they also said they probably wouldn't because he doesn't think it works. My tapping left foot will tell you it works better than anything else I've tried.

The following medications are available to me but have not helped my condition in the slightest:

Copaxone $3267 / month

Avonex $2941 / month

Rituxan $3000 / 500 mg

Rebif $2809 / month

Why can’t I count on a stem cell booster every 6 months for $2000? I would continually improve and it would, most certainly, keep me out of a wheelchair.

I am so damn sick of the approach so far that just turns my engine light off in the car without knowing what is making the light go on in the first place. We wouldn’t do that to our cars, why do we do this to our precious bodies?

I have been blessed by the care of a wonderful Mexican doctor who just wants to see me get well. Therefore, no, I am not paying $30K for round number 2. But I can’t continue to come to Tijuana every 6 months. I have children. My parents can’t be expected to fill in that often. I should have this option for treatment at home. This is my solution. This is my fight.

Tijuana here we come!

Back for round two. We are leaving today, Sunday, October 17. The decompression treatments at the chiropractor have already made a difference. The numbness I was experiencing is significantly less.

This post is short. I'm not in the mood to type. I will, however, keep this blog updated while we are in TJ and how this second treatment helps me. I have great hope that it will do more than the last.

Viva la stemcells!

Going Back To Tijuana

There are a lot of eyes on me. Most of them are on me because they’ve been praying for me and want to see me better. Many of them are on me because I represent the last bit of hope they have to get better and they’re planning their own stem cell journey. A few of them are on me because they don’t believe this treatment works and they’re waiting for it to fail. I want to be skipping down my street so they all see. That isn’t happening yet. Because I’m in the spotlight, I’ve tried to stay positive, strong, and optimistic. I don’t want to let anyone down. But I’ve been reminded that I don’t need to worry about the expectations of others. This is my journey and I’m going to share it with you – the peaks and the valleys.

I have slipped the past couple weeks. My struggle has intensified with the head cold I picked up. It has not been easy and has been very discouraging. So we called the doctor in Mexico and we’re going back for the follow up treatment on October 17. We are not going back to try it again. We are going back to complete the treatment that we already started.

For some, one treatment is enough. I would even say that most patients improve gradually more and more after just one treatment. I’m a special case. There are some other issues that we need to address to make this successful. And I’m still 100% confident that it will be.

My first message is to those people seeking this treatment: As I’ve told you before, don’t expect the stem cells to do it all for you. Be ready to fight. The stem cells are a powerful weapon but they don’t work alone. Diet, exercise, supplements, and a fighting spirit finish it off. Don’t consider my current struggles a failure.

My second message is to those close to me who are praying and hoping for the best: keep praying. I’m on my way. Don’t be sad or worry about me. The battle is a long one but I’m still in it and I will be victorious.

My first step is to get spinal decompression treatments from the chiropractor before I leave for Tijuana again. The doctor in Mexico suspects that could be interfering with the success. Falls can contribute to spinal compression. I find myself at one with the floor quite often so we may have our answer. Regardless, this is my proactive attempt to make this second treatment even more effective.

Secondly, I have found a wonderful doctor in Franklin who offers hyperbaric oxygen treatments from his office; doing this right when I come home will also increase the effectiveness.

Finally, I am still on a superior supplement program through my nutritionist in Houston and my dear stem sister. She’s got me on track to re-grow nerves and get my insides doing what they need to do. And I continue my anti-inflammatory diet and juicing.

With all this said, I should reiterate that I am still much better than I was before I left for my first treatment. Even if I don’t go back to Tijuana for a second treatment, I’m not headed for a wheelchair anymore. But I am headed back to see my wonderful Mexican doctor again and then I’m on my way to victory. Viva la stem cells! Ole!