A Defense

October 5, 2013

I found myself in court this last week defending the lie that I abuse my stepson. Per her client’s wishes, the opposing lawyer referenced one sentence out of context from a blog I wrote in June 2010. The line read, “…it (my pain) causes me to mistreat my family.”  Since I wasn’t able to elaborate or explain myself on the stand, I’m eager to do so here.

I feel so blessed and loved by the legions of friends that I have. I don’t think I’m disillusioned when I say that I know there are countless good people standing behind me and praying for me.  I’ve never had an enemy in my life before this person who forced my husband and I into court.

Since I know now that, unfortunately, not everyone who reads this has an empathetic or well-meaning heart, this is an open letter to the one person in this world that wants to destroy me - a small, shallow, angry woman - and any future legal counsel she may retain.

Before making yourself look foolish in front of a sitting judge, read any entry in its entirety. Then perhaps your conscience won’t allow you to pull one sentence out and actually try to use it against me.

Before I reveal the context of that one line, let me ask this: When you have, say, a migraine, or a cold, or the flu, or a broken femur bone, have you ever snapped at someone you love? Are you able to put your family first and dote on them when you are suffering? Most likely not. So it’s not unreasonable that I’ve grappled with this particular issue in the past. Speaking of the past, let’s travel back more than 3 years to my fateful sentence:

June 16, 2010

I have given up trying. I know that relief is in sight so I don’t feel like I have to try anymore. The symptoms have been so bad lately that all I want to do is sit still. My sister-in-law told me that it's okay. She reminded me that I've worked so hard at living when things were challenging. It's okay to stop trying so hard. However, since it’s worse than ever, I feel more selfish than ever. The pain and fatigue cause me to mistreat my family.

I depend on two people the most – my sweet husband and stepson. Unfortunately, when they have needs, I don’t have anything left to give them. It’s hard for me to have sympathy for anyone else. It’s not fair. But I promise I’ll make up for it.

Let me go ahead and clarify what I meant by “mistreat(ing) my family”: It meant that I felt selfish and wasn’t able to treat John, Vann, and Reagan like the precious treasures they are.  I have never hit a human being out of anger in my entire life.

Thankfully, the judge made the right decision. All accusations were dismissed.  There is no question that no child is in danger in this household.  It is abhorrent and absurd that it ever even had to be asked.

So there you have it. I see this very clearly as a below the belt, tasteless attempt to destroy me. It was also moronic. Which is why it didn’t work.  When the context is revealed, it’s clear that it is you, not me, who is the monster.