Reality and the Adjustment of Expectations

Still no word yet on whether the 28 days of brutal IV antibiotics killed the pneumonia bacteria in my blood (waiting on results) but I’m no better off than before I started them. I needed to try so I'm glad I did it but, once again, no results. I’m currently doing chelation to rid my body of heavy metals, B-12 shots for energy, and waiting to get my hands on a compound called glutathione that gave me 2 good days – the best days I had had in months. Long story but trying to get it for the best price from a pharmacy in Houston.


So where do I go from here? Adjust my expectations finally and accept reality. I’m no longer trying to get off my walker and scooter dependence. I am now merely trying to keep dressing myself, driving a car, and feeding my family. I know that two things make me feel better: glutathione and walking in the water. So I’ll focus on those two things and rely on my sweet Jesus to keep me going. We put so much hope in medical treatments and doctors and whatever else we can find. But my new mantra is this: Jesus is my hope.

At the end of my day, my hero comes home to me. I have a remarkable husband. I have a family. I have warmth and clean, organic food, water and shelter. Honestly, we don’t need more than that. I’m currently reading a book, The Hole In Our Gospel by Richard Stearns, World Vision president. In it, he carefully describes the state of poverty in this world and makes a plea for all of us to do our part. That includes me. Not sure how I can be of the best use – I don’t see any missions trips in my future, but I’ll find my opportunity somewhere. While we are on this earth, it’s not about us. It’s about helping others.

In the meantime, I’ll miss some of the party. I may not be the best hostess or neighbor but I’m figuring out what really matters. Maybe if I hadn’t been blessed with this disease, I never would have.

Drop In The Bucket

Two weeks into this brutal antibiotic protocol and my attitude is struggling. I’m so tired of feeling sick. The antibiotics make me nauseous and severely decrease my appetite. It’s a challenge every day to try and force down 1200—1500 calories which, on my fragile frame, is not enough. I have to keep reminding myself that my condition has not worsened; I am suffering from the side effects of this medicine. Once I’m done, hopefully, the medicine will have done its job and I will bounce back.


Until that time, I am homebound. I infuse 3 antibiotics through my pic line in the morning, one in the afternoon, and 2 at night. The side effects have made me so weak, I can hardly pick up my child from school or get out of the house at all. When I do, it’s not comfortable.

Once these are done, I’ll start chelation to remove the heavy metals and will start hyperbaric oxygen treatments 4x/week.

With all the horrors happening in the world right now in Japan, Libya, the Ivory Coast, and elsewhere, who am I to complain? We all know very well, however, that our problems are all relative. We still experience pain and challenges but of course there is always someone worse off than we are. All I’m advocating is that when we remember this and when we remember that there are children who are hungry, sick, and abused, may our complaints be gentler. And regardless of my attitude or my “suffering”, I still praise this awesome God for I know that all things work together for good for those who love Him. And we will share in Christ’s glory one day but right now, we must also share in his suffering. It is but a drop in the bucket.